Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
Randomize
