Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
Randomize
