i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
Randomize
