At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
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