at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
How much of a thot would I be if I put this pic up? On a scale of thot-ish to Queen of Thotlandia
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
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