Megan Fox is the only woman I would let pee on me.
I'm similar. She's the only woman I'd ask to pee on me.
Ok yeah you're right. I'd ASK Megan Fox to pee on me. I'd ALLOW Erin Andrews to pee on me if she asked.
So yes it WAS her period, NOT a nose bleed.
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
Randomize
