i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
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