I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
I think we might need a safe word for this...
i looked that guy up on facebook. the one who went down on me for two hours
what's the verdict
i've been scrubbing my vag all morning
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
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