I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
Randomize
