i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
Randomize
