3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
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