but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
Randomize
