she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
So J keeps drinking his last bit of drink, then spitting it out and drinks it again. Savor the flavor?
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
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