Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
Randomize
