it's too hot outside to masturbate.
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
Randomize
