After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
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