I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
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