U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
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