so craigslist just dropped their "erotic services" ads. there goes our livelyhood
Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
Randomize
