I think I just saw someone hide a body.
Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
Randomize
