Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
we were hanging out in his room and he decided to play WoW.. so i took off all my clothes while he wasn't paying attention and laid on his bed and started playing with myself.
did he notice?
of course he didn't notice.. he was playing a fiesty level 1 fucker that wouldn't give up..
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
Randomize
