I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
Randomize