i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
just curious, were the inflatable penis' received? Amazon says they were delivered.
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
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