3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
You surviving the open bar?
Super asto ex polenta omaha botad
Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
Randomize
