she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
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