I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
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