You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
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