the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
Randomize
