hotel room ftw
stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
Randomize
