Girls gone wild is like the hills, except sexy and it doesnt suck
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
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