I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
Randomize
