In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
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