i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
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