Cool, see you soon... she just admitted to her friends that it was a queef.
Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
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