She told me she got a 15 on her A.C.T.. that's when I knew it was a done deal.
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
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