He uses pillows to masturbate.
Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
Randomize
