You guys sftrill at mcdondalds?!!!!
Yes.
fuckin bring me a cheseburgeria
so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
Randomize
