I heard Topanga got a DUI. I need that mugshot asap.
he thought i was a dude.
I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
Randomize
