I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
We need to get me chipped asap
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
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