There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
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