my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
For sure shouldn't do homework after beers and joints. Just cited like 3 sentences at the end with (History, 2013)
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
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