She said so on her MySpace, so it's gotta be true.
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
She's the barista slut.
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
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