Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
Randomize
