Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
Randomize
