Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
Still dying that you shit outside
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
Fuck me I smell like cheese
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
Randomize
