How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
Randomize
