Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
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