his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
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