3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
Walk back down Church toward Mass Ave. Take a right and head for the guy in a kilt on top of the really tall unicycle. C u soon!
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Randomize
