You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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