dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
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