Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
Sorry I twat blocked you earlier I didn't know Sam was over. But, my house my rules, I don't have to knock before I enter. I did see naked butts and smelt "Sex Stank" in the air, we're going to have to set some ground rules when I get home. Hugs and kisses..Mom
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
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