remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
he shaved USA in his pubs
He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
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