You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
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