How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
halloween costumes for girls are easy, slutty teacher, slutty cop, slutty nurse, etc...
exactly, that's why i want something interesting
slutty neuroscientist?
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
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