Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
There are two guys here arguing over Pearl jam and Nirvana. 1991 wants its argument back.
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
If by science you mean beer then YES!!!!
Randomize
