Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
Randomize
