woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
i dont even know how to be here
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
Randomize
