Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
worst night to have a conscience
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
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