I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
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