I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
4 words: hood of his car
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
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