I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
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