you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
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