I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
If lil wayne asked you to lick him like a lollipop I feel that you would willingly oblige.
Unfortunately I think I would lick most anyone's lollipop.
It's your form of community service; servicing the greater SDSU area.
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
Randomize
