i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
does anyone know where bryan is?
last i saw he was naked, and crying in the bathroom because there was no more booze.
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
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