Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
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