It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
Randomize
