a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
apparently the secret to your success is patron
It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
Randomize
