the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
Randomize
