we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
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